http://www.11alive.com/video/default.aspx#/News/Number%2010%3A%20Gay%20as%20an%20Issue/49906865001/50317397001/115616043001 

Found a great quote today... so I will put it here and refer to it often (that is if I remember to do so). Those who've invested the most are the last to surrender. Therefore, stand firm, let nothing move you, always give yourself fully to the mission and keep a long memory for it will serve you well in the future. -Coach Vince Lombardi

Those words truly resinate with me... does everyone go through phases where they are ultra-motivated by some things and then other things are just done just to say they were done? Is it that I am afraid of failure or afraid of success or perhaps it is I am afraid of the success of failure or the failure of success... that is one in the same isn't it?

There are a lot of things I am damn good at, but refuse to share them with others because I guess I feel like they won't care... why would they so this brings me back full circle to this blog and actually this website. Do people want to read about two moms navigating with their son through life? It really is no different in the grand scheme of things to a heterosexual couple raising their children.

I don't know maybe there are people out there who disagree with us and maybe it is interesting to talk about. What do you think?

We want people to treat us the same yet we single ourselves out... isn't that a contradiction? There are some situations that are not treated the same for instance Father's Day (which we have a story about that) but it is no different than a widower or a single mom scenario.

So what do people want to see on here? Let my research begin...

All the while trying to keep schedules as normal as possible for a lil guy who is flexing his independence and his jaws which therefore means his teeth too. Yes it is true... he had become a chew toy at school and now he has chewed on a few of his friends at school. That has seemed to have died down for the time being. He did bite me this past weekend and when I told him no and I guess the look in my eyes caused him to immediate break down into a huge crying fest included with the driviling that one gets when they have been crying for hours, but his was instantaneous. Mama T then picked him up and put him in "time-out" which he actually stayed. We kept him there for a minute and then he was made to come and apologize to me... which consisted of a hug and a kiss. So hard to discipline lil guys when they are that age, but it must be done...

More to come...

Anyway, little E is only 16 months old, he has confidence around other kids, but in those places he is still pretty young and small compared to the other kids.  The environment of the Bouncing Barracuda was supercharged, maybe because children were expelling the rest of the devil that church didn’t take care of, but they were all worked up into a fevered pitch.  It was like a middle school production of “Apocalypse Now”.  As a strict rule - we follow E everywhere he goes in those places because it’s not unheard of for older kids to go ripping through the three and under jumpers bouncing babies into a whiplash, or creaming them with loose toys strewn about the room, or knocking them down without one of those awkward, under the breath “excuse me’s” that come with the realization that a mom is standing there.  These things we are aware of, but what happened on Sunday went beyond the boundaries of errant ball tossing or the clumsy collision of trying to balance as you walked. 

Our baby, our little man, our reason for living - was slapped… not once, but twice.  Two separate kids, two separate incidences, and two moms in shock.  The first time was between E and a 7 or 8 year old girl.  Our friends’ daughter wanted a ball and E went to get one for her.  He had his hands on it first, but the girl decided that E should know through some sort of telepathy that the ball belonged to her.  She screamed at him and slapped his hand away.  Mama K stood there in disbelief about what just happened. She sought her inner chi and told the little girl that it is not nice to hit and that he had the ball first. She should learn to share… she adamantly said, No! To this Mama K replied you are not acting very nicely right now and then the little monster (I mean girl) decided she would give up the ball only by throwing it at lil E’s head. Mama K with her cat-like reflexes deflected the ball and it hit the little girl in the process. Off she went and so did lil E and Mama K.

I did not see any of this transpire, I was in the restroom getting knocked out by the toilet paper dispenser (don’t ask).  I heard about it from Mama K.  “Where are her parents?” “What did you do?” “What did he do?” A series of questions I asked, but he moved on and so did we.  The second time I was there.  Outside one of the big kid bouncers were two plastic police motorcycle rocking things (basically your kid straddles them and rocks back and forth).  E had been rocking on them earlier in the day and they had disappeared. Well E found them, they had been, apparently as we would find out in a few minutes, strategically placed beside the bouncer.  These boys that put them there were physically too big for the rockers, but the rockers were just the right size to fulfill the “Chips” sized fantasy they had going.  E had begun to climb on one as one of the “Chips” wannabe’s tumbled out of the bouncer.  He slapped E’s hand and ripped the toy away from him. 

Little E’s eyes began to well up with tears as “Ponch’s” little left hand collapsed on E’s stinging little right hand.  Mama K told the boy to say he was sorry and that hitting was not nice.  The kid said nothing.  I took over “Who is your mother?” “Where is she?!?”  Nothing.  Not out of fear was the child silent - he knew if he said nothing, we would eventually leave, because we couldn’t wait forever.  I looked for his parents, but who was I looking for? 

Was he with one of the dad’s glued to the Tennessee basketball game on the flat screen above the men’s bathroom (they lost by the way…)?  Was he with one of the internet browsing Betty’s checking in with their Facebook friends, that are either really good friends you talk to on a regular basis anyway or one you friended because you can’t say “no” even though you disliked each other in high school?  Was he with one of the people lounging in the massaging recliners that were not actually massaging because nobody wants to pay a buck for five minutes of rattling around in a chair?  Was he with one of the families in a large group of families socializing in a circle with only those parents facing north able to see the bouncers as big as they are?  Was he with any of those parents that were taking this opportunity to catch up on sleep?  Or, maybe, just maybe… (wait for it…) he was with the mother we saw in her SUV in the parking lot reading a book as we were leaving. 

We will never know because no one approached us and said “Is there something I can do for you (strange adult women I’ve never seen before speaking to my child)?”  But I guess the reaction, or lack thereof, on behalf of the parents summed up the children’s attitudes: No one cares about me - so I do not care about anyone else.  Next time, I guess we’ll alert an employee or, and I like this idea even better, we can go on a school day in the morning when all of these little jerks are trapped in a classroom like caged animals waiting to be unleashed by their parents on any given Sunday. What would you do in this situation? Is it okay to correct another child’s (known or complete stranger) behavior and is it even worth it?

Our deal was... I would carry and she would pick the other half of the genetic make-up from a catalog. Now mind you it isn't like a Sears catalog where there are pictures, dimensions and prices by the product, but it was similar. More involved and with no pictures. We sat down and decided on what potential eye color, hair texture, height, weight and nationality we wanted as the other half of this soon to be little person. It really is an interesting exercise to participate in, all while not knowing the individual at all, but only knowing them through their stats. It was like we were some sort of sports scouting agent looking to find the next big star athlete.

As we combed through and eliminated choices and put stars by the ones we wanted to pursue and think about further - the weight of the situation would hit us and we would put the catalog away for a couple of days. On top of all the stats - you could look at many of the donors bios and staff observations about them. Some of the interesting things you would find out about them were there favorite foods, sports or animals. Their hobbies, grade point average, likes and dislikes in life. We utilized these to assist us in narrowing down our choices even further until we had it down to two or three. Once we were at this point it was time to pull out the debit card and find out even more about these anonymous donors. It really is like unravelling a mystery and with each layer you delve in to more and more questions arised that you wanted to find answers to.

We were able to purchase voice interviews with the potential donors we sought and more extensive family history and backgrounds... in these interviews they were asked questions by the staff. You were able to gleen bits and pieces of these young men as to why they were chosing to do this for families gay and straight alike. Let me just state for the record our donor, is the age of my younger brother - 26 now, but probably 23 or 24 at the time. So much younger than Mama T and myself... ha ha ha.

Recently, we went back to the site and saw that we could purchase a picture of the donor. We assumed that it would be a baby picture, but it wasn't. The funny thing is I look at the picture and I really don't see him in our lil guy yet, but maybe the enormous amount of personality is what I would take away from the boy in the picture. The donor looks like quite the ham and the center of attention. Our lil guy is quite the charmer.

What drew us to the donor... well for me it was his drive and ambition in life and his willingness to help others. He sounds like a nice guy. I will have to let Mama T address her initial impressions of him. He is an architect and likes woodworking and was a semi-professional bicycle rider in college. It will be interesting to see if any of these traits will be ingrained in our lil guy as he gets older and becomes his own man. It was important for us to go with a donor who wanted to be known - who knows our lil guy may want to meet the man responsible for the other half of his DNA someday.

I am not sure what that meeting would be like when I try to picture it in my mind's eye... we have plenty of time between now and then to formulate it though. I just hope that when it all boils down to it our lil guy will always know that no matter where he came from or where he goes, he will be loved and cherished everyday. I am sure Mama T will want to add to this so stay tuned...

From folks that Mama T has talked to, they all swear by it and say that it helped their child with their hearing, speech development and reduction in ear infections. The only negative I have heard is from my mom whose neighbor experienced deafness in one of her ears as a result of getting tubes. We discussed all of this with the doctor too.

He said our lil guy is a prime candidate for tubes because of the amount of fluid he still has in his ears even after getting a shot last week and still on antibiotics... his fourth different variety I might add. The doc did tell us that he would never advise putting ear numbing drops in children's ears... which we found very interesting because we have been given three prescriptions for them by our pediatrician. He just said personally that he would rather us give him Motrin or Tylenol to ease the pain.

He did say that our pediatrician did do the right thing in continually prescribing antibiotics, because that is the protocol for recurrent ear infections and sooner or later we would have ended up in his office. Mama T and I went into our lil guys last doc appointment knowing we were going to seek the name of a good Ear, Nose and Throat doctor.

So this lead me to do some research as to the rise of ear infections in our children today. What I found out was very interesting...

So why the increase in ear infections?

According to the University of Maryland Medical Center, "The rise in ear infections has paralleled the increasing incidences of other upper and lower airway disorders such as Asthma, Allergies, and Sinusitis. For example, the same bacteria are often responsible for both ear infections and sinusitis. In one study, 38% of children with ear infections also had sinusitis, and other studies have reported that nearly half of children with Otitis Media have concurrent sinusitis. Data indicates that nearly a third of infants and toddlers with upper respiratory infections go on to develop acute Otitis Media. Researchers are looking for common risk factors, such as:

• Increase in Day Care Center Attendance. Although ear infections themselves are not contagious, the respiratory infections that precipitate them can pose a risk for children with close and frequent exposure to other children. Some experts believe that the increase in ear and other infections may be due to the higher attendance of very small children, including infants, in day care centers beginning in the 1970s. Research presented at a 2006 pediatric medicine meeting suggested that it may be wise to keep very young children (under 1 year old) out of day care to avoid exposure to the upper respiratory infections that can lead to ear infections.

   

• Increase in Allergies. Some experts believe that an increase in allergies is also partially responsible for the higher number of ear infections, which is unlikely to be related to day care attendance. Studies indicate that 40 - 50% of children over 3 years old who have chronic Otitis Media also have allergic rhinitis (hay fever). Allergies can cause inflammation in the airways, which may contribute to ear infections. Allergies are also associated with asthma and sinusitis. However, a causal relationship between allergies and ear infections has not been definitively established." Nor has it been determined if poor indoor air quality is linked to the increase in allergies.

   

• Breast-feeding, "rather than formula-feeding, is one important preventive measure. Studies show that breast-feeding for at least four months cuts the number of ear infections in half."

   

According to Dr. Mary Ann Block of the Block Institute, other risk factors that are currently being studied are:

• Smoking and air quality. "Smoking is another factor that raises the risk of ear infections. Tobacco smoke can irritate the mucous membranes in the nasal passages, causing them to swell. This increases the likelihood of fluid getting trapped in the middle ear. Even fragrances, cologne, and air fresheners can irritate the mucous membranes.

   

• Genetic Factors. Children who have had previous ear infections are at greater risk as well as children with a family history of ear infections. Children born prematurely or with a low birth weight also are at greater risk. And, interestingly enough, if your child is male there is a higher risk of ear infections (boys tend to get more ear infections than girls) or if your child has a nasal speech (caused by large adenoids that block the Eustachian tube) they are also at risk.

   

• Nighttime Bottle. Taking a bottle to bed at nights.

   

• Pacifiers. Pacifiers can also increase the incidence of ear infections. It is not understood whether this is because pacifiers are not properly cleaned, or because the sucking motion causes bacteria to flow upward into the Eustachian tube."

   

• Food Allergies. Doctors have suggested that up to 1/3 of all cases of ear infections are due to dairy or milk allergies. Other foods may be suspect, but the connection between dairy and ear infections is one of the first places to start a food elimination program.

Read more: http://www.healthy-holistic-living.com/ear-tubes.html#ixzz0ebVtPg

It is interesting because our son has been in daycare since he was three months old and he sleeps with 3 sometimes 4 pacifiers. He doesn't constantly have the pacifiers in his mouth while he sleeps though which is a good thing I guess.

So the next thing I was curious about was the pros and cons of the tubes... well this same site has a good list of those too.

The pros and cons of tympanosotomy ear tubes:

Often times when a child experiences chronic ear infections or chronic fluid in the ear, he or she will be referred to the Otolaryngologist to place tympanosotomy tubes in the ear, a surgical procedure. Usually, doctors will recommend the surgery if the child has 3 episodes (ear infections) within 6 months or 4 episodes in 12 months. This is especially true if the antibiotic treatments are tried and have failed to resolve the issue. The reasoning here is that the child's recurring ear infections are due to fluid in the middle ear canal. This fluid is unable to drain down the Eustachian tube. If the fluid could drain, the bacteria would not be able to grow and cause an infection.

The issue at hand remains: to tube or not to tube…..let's identify the possible benefits and then review the possible risks or side effects.

According to Dr. Judith E. C. Lieu of St. Louis Children's Hospital, studies have shown that tympanosotomy ear tubes can improve the quality of life for children (and families) in the following ways:

• "Reduce the frequency (number in one year) of ear infections

   

• Reduce the severity of symptoms (ear pain, fussiness, poor sleep, hearing loss, etc) associated with ear infections

   

• Improve or cure the hearing loss that comes from chronic fluid in the middle ear

   

• Reduce caregiver anxiety about children who are often sick with ear infections

   

• Reduce how much antibiotic a child receives for ear infections"

Dr. Lieu states that, "although tympanosotomy ear tubes can be a wonderful help to managing ear infections and hearing loss associated with fluid in the middle ear, they do not cure ear infections and hearing loss entirely. And they can result in some complications.

• Even with tubes, children have an average of 1 to 2 ear infections per year. When ear infections occur, care givers may see drainage from the ears, which can look like the drainage from the nose when someone has the common cold or sinus infection.

   

• Water exposure in the ears with tympanosotomy tubes can sometimes cause ear infections, particularly when the water is dirty or contaminated (such as with bath water or lake/river/ocean water). Some type of ear plug is usually recommended when you expect a child with tubes will be exposed to dirty water.

   

• Persistent holes in the eardrum may exist even after the tympanosotomy ear tubes have come out on their own, sometimes requiring more surgery to repair the eardrum.

   

• Minor degrees of ear drum scarring happen in almost one-third of children with tympanosotomy tubes. This usually does not result in any change in the way the eardrum functions."

The key seems to find out what is most likely to be the cause of your child's ear infection and to treat the problem before tympanosotomy ear tubes become necessary. At the first sign of an ear infection, or if your child has had chronic problems in the past, it is worth considering the risk factors above and eliminating as many of the possible offenders. Especially food allergies, with over 1/3 of all ear infections being the result of a dairy allergy, it is worth investigating.

Your best defense is to be as informed as possible. Getting to know what causes ear infections, understanding your child's type of ear and knowing the risks involved in surgery will help you make the best and most informed decision for your child.

Read more: http://www.healthy-holistic-living.com/ear-tubes.html#ixzz0ebaJXmdK

The pros and cons are interesting too and make me want to pay closer attention to the foods he is eating including his milk intake. He was not properly weaned off of formula when we moved him to his new daycare months ago so now I am thinking it could possibly be some sort of milk allergy. I will have to look into this closer.

We will keep you posted on the surgery and how it goes and please know I am not abdicating the surgery one way or the other, but it is the choice we are making for our son. Our suggestion is to do as much research as possible and make the best educated decision you can.

I will add that the thing that made me feel even more secure in our decision is that the doc said he will monitor him very closely and will be available at any time to see us and answer questions.

I was very surprised by this because I could not imagine not having him on a schedule, not only for his sake but for our sanity. I feel bad enough that he has to wake up at 6 a.m. and be at school by 6:30 a.m. so I can get to work early enough to be able to spend time with him in the evenings.

Children need to have a schedule and certainly they need enough sleep. People wonder why children are so unruly these days. Well it is because they are allowed to decide for themselves what they want to eat, where and when to go to bed. Society doesn't allow them to be children... they want to give them independence... that back in the day you had to earn.

Sleep and Toddlers (1-3 years)

Toddlers need about 12-14 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period. When they reach about 18 months of age their naptimes will decrease to once a day lasting about one to three hours. Naps should not occur too close to bedtime as they may delay sleep at night.

Many toddlers experience sleep problems including resisting going to bed and nighttime awakenings. Nighttime fears and nightmares are also common.

Many factors can lead to sleep problems. Toddlers' drive for independence and an increase in their motor, cognitive and social abilities can interfere with sleep. In addition, their ability to get out of bed, separation anxiety, the need for autonomy and the development of the child's imagination can lead to sleep problems. Daytime sleepiness and behavior problems may signal poor sleep or a sleep problem.

Sleep Tips For Toddlers:

• Maintain a daily sleep schedule and consistent bedtime routine.
• Make the bedroom environment the same every night and throughout the night.
• Set limits that are consistent, communicated and enforced.
• Encourage use of a security object such as a blanket or stuffed animal.

http://www.sleepforkids.org/html/habits.html

Our son's security object is his pacifier - a.k.a Chewchies! He sleeps with at least three if not more than that. One in each hand and one in his mouth. Too cute and now on to our next dilemma of how to break him from his pacifier.

Now I have to admit that we may have done this once or twice and there have been more occasions than I can count that he has spent the night in our bed, but there were never times that I had to wrestle Mama T to the ground to prevent her from going into his bedroom and comforting him by picking him up out of the crib. Ha ha ha

There were times though that we were afraid he would never sleep in his own bed in his own room. But why would he when he had the sweet set up where he could take up 3/4s of the bed and leaving the other 1/4 for Mama T and I to fight over. I mean we did keep him in our room in a pack n play for at least ten months, but that is besides the point. :-)

It was not an easy decision to move him, but he seemed uncomfortable in the pack n play and too comfortable in our bed so we made the move for him for his benefit. I didn't like the fact that he was so far away from us, but I knew that he needed his space and that space was in his own bed in his own room.

Now the only time he sleeps with us is when he is sick or is just having a rough night, which is not that often. It normally happens when he is running a fever or is teething really badly. Once he finally did move, it was a fairly easy transition and there was not much crying that we had to listen to in the monitor. We just made sure he had numerous choochies and a consistent schedule that we made sure to stick to.

Our lil guy is growing up... too fast!

So recently we took him in for his 12 month vaccinations and I had done some research on the vaccines and their side effects and went to the appointment knowing that I didn't want him to have his MMR vaccination at this appointment. I wanted to wait until he was closer to 15 months old. The funny thing is I had called ahead and spoke with a nurse about it and she told me that was fine and that I would have to sign a form stating that I didn't get him that vaccination at the time and list the reason why. I was fine with that...

My main issue was that he already was going to get two other vaccinations that day and I felt like that the MMR which is for three other illnesses would have been entirely too much. Now I know what you are thinking... she must be one of those freaks who doesn't vaccinate her child!!! Well that is the farthest from the truth. Our son has had all of his vaccinations done in the allotted time frame. He just doesn't have them all at one doctor visit. To us it is worth taking extra time off from work to take him to the doctor several times to ensure they are all done.

So to get back to the day in question... we went to our appointment and as usual we filled out the paperwork prior to seeing someone and had made note of his runny nose and sleeping issues and chest congestion. So when we went into our room a nurse practitioner came in and sat down. She never once introduced herself to us and when she did start to ask us questions she asked us like five times if anyone else lived in the house with us and each time we said no... it is just us and our son. I think she finally began to read between the lines, but boy was she slow about it.

So then we started to tell her about some of the things going on with him like the runny nose, congestion and sleeping problems and she began to chastise us by saying, "well you just need to let him cry it out," and "by no means should you ever go into his room when he is crying and pick him up and take him to bed with you." We just kind of looked at her and basically said that is easier said than done when he cries for 30 minutes or longer until you do go in there and comfort him.

So then we went and had him weighed and she was very concerned by his weight or lack of weight if you will. She said he must have been weighed wrong the previous time he was in. We just shrugged our shoulders and said he is an active boy and sometimes eats and sometimes doesn't. She was not amused... Pediasure was in his future to help boost his weight.

Then comes the fun part of this whole visit... she starts discussing with us the vaccines he is supposed to get at this visit (remember all the while never introducing herself to us). That is when I spoke up and said I would rather he did not get the MMR at this visit. She looked at me like I had three heads and that I was bringing the plague down on the earth. She got very defensive and started in with all the scare tactics, for instance "Well he is in daycare and that is a dangerous place to be without vaccinations," and so on. Then she went on to say that Mumps was on the rise and that we were placing him at risk because it is not safe to not have your child vaccinated. She also implied that we could kill our son by not having him vaccinated. I then promptly told her to look at his chart and see that he had had all his vaccinations up to this point. She then quickly back peddled a bit. This next thing she said is my all time favorite.

I told her okay... how about this... I don't want him to have a live virus injected in him until he is a little older and can handle it better. Her response was well the Chickenpox vaccine has a live virus in it... I giggled and said okay then I don't want him having two lives virus vaccinations in one day and to be honest the MMR shot is really the equivalent of three vaccinations. So he would have had five shots in one day. That is crazy and absolutely unnecessary. It became very obvious to us that she had an agenda and we were not playing along with it.

I thought at one point she was going to stick her bottom lip out and storm out of the room stomping her feet and slamming the door on her way out. As you can probably imagine I was not in the least bit amused by her third degree treatment and judgement of our family and the decisions we make for our son. We had never even seen this woman before and the only reason we were seeing her on this particular day is because both of our son's doctors are preggers and were not working.

Well we won and he only got two vaccinations and has yet to get his MMR vaccine. Here is the kicker though and the thing that you continually go back to... FOLLOW YOUR MOTHERLY INSTINCT! Within hours of him getting the vaccinations he began to run a fever and that fever spiking to 104.5 at its highest point lasted for four days. When we finally got the fever to go away we had to take him back to the doctor and we saw our doctor this time... turns out he had a sinus infection all along and should have never been given the vaccinations because he was sick!!!! Can you believe it???? Our doc would never admit it, but you could tell that if she had been the one we saw originally that day, she would have sent us home and would have told us to come back for his vaccinations when he was well.

That day we called and complained about that nurse practitioner and it turns out that was not the first and probably not the last complaint about her. She had a huge chip on her shoulder and to be quite honest we were not the parents that she should have tried to unload it on. We care very deeply for our son and for her to imply otherwise was not and is not cool under any circumstance!

Thought one - Did anyone see the story about the pediatrician from Delaware who molested all of those children in the age ranges of 6 months to two years old? If I ever met this man in person... anyway I think he will get his due once he is between the walls in prison. I cannot believe he videotaped what he did to those poor children. I sure hope he was not one of the sex offenders that the State of Georgia has lost track of. He is a very sick individual... but here is my next question... why on earth would a parent leave their baby or toddler alone with their doctor? There is no reason why the doctor needs to be alone with a child that young. Besides let's face it, it isn't like the child can tell the doctor anything. I am certainly not placing the blame on the parents... I just don't understand why they would ever leave their child in a room with the doctor alone. I hope that these parents didn't do that because they felt they did not have a say in their child's care. Which leads me to my next thought.